When you stop and look around, this life's pretty amazing...

You know...i only moved to Aucks a year or so ago...it seems like such a long time now...
I'd been studying and working in good 'ol balmy Palmy for so long that it was quite a drastic change moving to the big smoke and definately a huge shock to the system. After hearing all the negative stuff people said about Auckland and its inhabitants i was pretty sure i'd hate it and hacked a plan of escape...i would befriend a nakedbus employee so that i could zip up and down the island cheaply each weekend. But alas things don't ever work out as one plans...a relationship of almost 3 years fell apart and i had to toughen up and take on the big bad city all on my own.

What happened was thoroughly unexpected...

As soon as i gave up all the preconceived ideas i fell in love with a place that was teeming with possibilities and buzzing with creative people. Auckland makes me feel like i'm standing on the edge of a cauldron that's bubbling with so much gusto and attitude..

Do you do that too? Make up your mind about something or someone only to find that you were totally and utterly wrong?
Despite the fact that it happens ever so often for me i still need frequent reminders that i don't give my abilities/instincts enough credit...

Just the other day...Dean and i went to Mount Maunganui for New Year's. The day before we were to drive back to Auckland he boldly suggested that we trek up the mount...his 'convincing' argument was that the view would be amazing because it was such a clear scorcher of a day. I almost instantly started feeling ill and began freaking out since so many people had told me that it was a hard trail..to top it off i figured i'm not fit, i wouldn't be able to do it and Dean would think i was a total loser. WHAT??? When i actually took a step back and looked at the big picture i realized that none of that internal dialoque was correct and more importantly it wasn't the slightest bit helpful. So i tried my hardest to re-program...you know, like how Thomas the tank engine said "i think i can i think i can...i know i can...i know i can..." And guess what...i made it to the top...and it wasn't anywhere near as hard as i thought..And of course, the view was breathtaking.

Why are we so stifled by fear? Fear is essentially in our heads...we're scared of failure, we're scared of what people think of us. I had a deep and meaningful with a good friend the other day and he really switched on a light bulb in my head. He said we judge ourselves so harshly...and a lot of the time we assume that others will do the same because we can only go by our own standards/experiences. Judging is negative...no matter how well we know somebody we still aren't them and cannot fully predict how they think or will react to something..comparing, judging and assuming are all recipes for disaster i reckon. :)

That is my new year's resolution...to refrain from those 3 nasties. I forgot how freeing it was...i remember after Discovery camp last year. I felt perfectly balanced, supported and at peace with everything...in that environment i knew i could and was totally being myself and the people around me fully loved me for it, i did the same for them. Being a team leader for Discovery was probably one of my favourite moments in my life thus far and probably a defining one for me too. To bear witness to the transformation the teenagers went through was such a precious gift. Watching them deal with their demons made me think of how crazy it is that we harp on the negative stuff/people we encounter but just shrug it off when our loved ones tell us how awesome we are. It's amazing to see people flourish when they feel supported...i know i did. When you know that the people around you will love you regardless of whether you win or lose, triumph or fail, you will give it your all fearlessly, you have nothing to lose! You let you hair down and be silly, you banish those self conscious inhibitions and simply exist as you are!

So i'm going to tell you this very moment that you are awesome...you're loving, caring and such a pleasure to have on this planet. Thank you for being you!

xoxo
Miss Deb